I made it...sort of

Well we made it through the 12th alive. It was a difficult day, I didn't want to get out of bed laying there with lexie made it all hurt a tad less. The morning was the hardest, both andrew and I had break down. Mine happened after reading a comment one of my bestfriends left on my fb(yeah thanks bri!lol) but it happened while andrew wasn't in the room and andrews while talking to his dad. I guess I was easily destracted that day because my nieces where also staying at my moms and well if you have met emily you know she requires some attention!lol. We took a walk to walmart and did a few other random things, it was nice to get out of the house,kaden gave us a beautiful day!!
I was seriously overwhelmed with the love and support we got from our friends. Everyone posted sooo many pictures on our FB's of the candles they lit for our boy. His light sure did shine bright that night and I was sooo happy!! We had everyone that came over( and by everyone I mean both mine and andrews family and our closest friends) bring a toy to donate to Moreno valley hospital (which is where our sweet boy passed)! We have a couch full! We know some great people and I am so happy to share some of kadens joy with other little kids.
I can't believe it has been a whole year already!! I miss that boy so much! I don't have as many break downs (hooray for antidepressants!!lol) but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. There is no pill strong enough for this pain!! I look @ lex and see him and miss him more. I wonder what he'd be doing now, what he'd look like, and just how funny he would be! It hurts and yet I think if he where here we wouldn't have lexie... this is such a doubled edged sword (is that how that saying goes???lol) .
I do want to say that I am soooo blessed and sooooo thankful for all the supportive people I have in my life! Lord knows if it weren't for my husband,my family,and friends, id be god knows where right now!! Thank you everyone for the love and support you have given the past year! Lord knows it was hard and iam not looking forward to continuing my life without my boy here in the flesh but he also knows I can't wait to be with him again in heaven!! <3