newness..

Well, if you read my FB I am sure you saw, yesterday after waiting a year and 2 months we finally got Kadens cause of death back so his death certificate can be finished! It's not like we didn't already know what it was, I mean it was pretty obvious, but I guess they gotta do what they gotta do right?! I feel like every time I begin to make progress I get pushed back into this slump. I haven't been on my antidepressants for almost a week because the stupid biotches at the pharmacy!It's been a rough week, I've been overly emotional. Sometimes I hate the feeling that they give me of numbness but then when I don't take them I remember what it's like to feel this constant pain. I go back to feeling oddly normal. I was okay when I was on the phone with Kim from the mortuary. Once I got off and looked over to see a picture of his smiling face I lost it. I miss my boy so much everyday. I look at Lexie and her smile makes me miss him more. I wish I could say more than just I miss him. But it's all I can think of. Well a new chapter is going to begin soon. I have finally decided to go back to school. I am going to be starting hopefully in the fall. I will be finishing my AA, I only have a few classes left, and will continue on to get my Bachelors in Social Work. I know sounds like scary stuff because of the field but I honestly think that it will help me along. I want to be able to help people that have been where I am and do something productive.I love being a stay at home mom but I dont think I can do it forever! Sorry this blog isn't very exciting, guess being in my slum has kinda taken it's toll on this too. Hopefully there will be more soon.